Different Choices
by imogenmorgan
Summary: this is my first attempt at this so bare with me...its a LIASON fan fic based on what would have happened if Liz and Jason could have made different choices...i know this summary sucks but read it anyway


Author's note:

This is set during the time of Nicholas and Emily's wedding. Everything up to that point is the same, but from that point on it's completely different. I hate seeing Jason and Sam together. This is my first attempt at fan fiction so please let me know what you think. I want to thank Jo (lizfan4ever99) for helping me decide to actually post this and coming up with a cool title. Okay so here it goes!!! Rated PG

Different Choices by imogenmorgan

Nicholas and Emily's wedding reception

Liz thoughts

Standing there watching my best friend marry the love of her life, I cant help but wonder what my life would have been like if my choices were different. The old saying your first love is your truest love is so true well at least in this case. Emily had loved Nicholas since before she really knew what love was. The young beautiful debutante had planned this day over and over again in her mind since she was fourteen years old, and finally she has captured the heart and soul of her prince. Standing beside Emily as her childhood fantasy finally came true brought back images of my own. "This one of the best and worst days of my life, standing up for them was one of best moments of my life but seeing him enjoy being with someone else quickly became the worst" Liz said silently to herself.

As I began to look across the intimate gathering my eyes became locked with the one person who knew the very essence of my being. The one person, who had accepted me, cared for me and respected me more than anyone ever had; the one person who had broken my heart over and over again. The one person who has the power to break my spirit.....As blue eyes stared intently into brown the room seemed suddenly fade away until the only people left were us. As I slowly began to walk toward my ex love I cant help but wonder what if?

Jason's thoughts

Watching Emily promise to love Nicholas forever was something I never thought I would be able to see. I thought that my sister would be gone away from me forever. Liz helped me begin to cope when I lost all hope. The love I see for my sister, the happiness that radiates from her, the peace that settles over her when she looks at Nicholas is what I wanted for her and for myself. But things never go the way I want them to. Standing beside Emily, Liz was the picture of perfection. I wonder if she knows how beautiful she is, how much the sight of her takes my breath away. Just looking at her makes me remember all the fantasies I had about our future, I remember all of her dreams - that one day became my dreams, her hopes that became my hopes and her happiness that became my reason for living. Trying to end the pain that these thoughts gave him, Jason went to look away from his ex love at the same time that her gaze found him.

As blue eyes stared intently into brown the room seems to suddenly until the only people left were us. As I slowly began to walk toward the one woman I have ever truly and completely loved, I can't help but wonder what if?

The three feet of air that separated them grew thick and intense as each waited for the other to speak first. "That was a beautiful ceremony wasn't it?" Jason finally asked. "I am so happy that Emily finally got what she wanted for so long." Liz replied wistfully. "It's strange, Juan showed her how innocent love should be, Zander showed her how unselfish love could be, but Nicholas...he has proven to her how true love really is. I am in awe of that" Liz stated as she glanced toward the newlyweds.

The yearning he saw in her eyes and heard in her voice made Jason respond in almost a whisper. "I bet Nicholas is in awe too. Emily is his safe place, she has been many different things to him. She has been his best friend, his most loyal supporter...even when she didn't like him; even when he hurt her or she hurt him she went out of her way to protect him. She is his conscience, she is the other part of his soul, his heart recognizes her as home." As Jason finished his eyes locked on Liz face hoping, praying she understood what he really meant.

Trying to regain her composure Liz did the only thing that always worked...she focused on his voice, his words and slowly her heart began to slow from its rapid beat. Unable to stop herself, Liz took another step towards Jason. "Emily and Nicholas are lucky." Liz stated"Regardless of what life threw at them - they never gave up. They trusted themselves, their love. They never gave in to the fear." The longer she spoke the more her voice filled with pain and her eyes filled with tears. She looked at Jason with regret in her eyes and said "They will last because Nicholas will make sure Emily knows what she means to him and so will she!!" Closing her eyes to keep the tears that threaten to fall at bay "Stephen is probably looking for me...it was...I...bye Jason" Liz stutters as she walks quickly away from him. "No," Jason replies his voice low and filled with emotion" I'll see ya later Liz" but she is no where to be found.

Watching the two from across the room Sam began to realize why Jason was so against becoming more than roommates, why he refused to give his heart to her. Jason wasn't afraid of hurting her as he implied, nor was he afraid of getting hurt --she thought to herself. He wouldn't give her his heart because both his heart and soul belonged to Liz.

_Three days later_

Kelly's

Over the past three years he had changed. He changed into a man he barely recognized, a man with honor but no loyalty to himself. He had become the one thing he despised most...a coward. As he sat at Kelly's drinking his coffee he glanced around looking for something, anything -- some sort of sign that there was hope for him. A sign that someone cared for him enough to realize that he was lost. Someone who cared enough to throw him a life line that would lead him back from the edge of the blackness that he was falling toward. As he continued to glance around the bell chimed signaling a new customer. He felt her presence long before he ever looked up, long before he heard her soft sign or her son's high squeal of delight. As he slowly raised his haunted eyes toward her, he knew that everything would work out because this angel was the sign he was waiting for.

I don't know why Cam is in such a happy mood Liz thought to herself. Maybe its because he knows he will see his auntie Em in a few minutes Liz thinks with a sigh. "Well my little man I think Emmy is going to be a little late for our trip to the mall, so why don't we get a cookie and some hot chocolate while we wait. Liz asks Cameron while lifting him up in the air. She couldn't help but smile as she watched the beautiful baby boy squeal in delight. Then she felt him, felt his presence and slowly began glancing around the small diner to find him. Sitting at the table closest to the stairs was Jason. The sight of him still took her breath away. Looking into his eyes was still like looking into his soul. Liz could see how alone, how lost he felt. She had seen the same thing three weeks ago during Emily's wedding reception - unable to bear the pain, regret and self loathing she saw in his eyes Liz slowly made her way towards him. She knew leaving him alone while he was hurting was something she could never do. Finally as she reached the man who once meant everything to her she paused and slowly said "Jason, Cameron wanted to say Hi, do you mind if we join you?" Although she only asked to join him her eyes asked him something else. Her eyes asked him what she could do to help. They asked why he was so lost. They asked the one question she never had the power to voice did he need her? Jason recognized all of these things in her eyes because they were the same thing that was in his when he saw her in pain. So he did the only thing he could do he said "Please"

That one word answered all of questions that were in her mind. Jason had said please to her. Liz knew that it meant that he needed her to help him, he wanted her to help him find his way back and there was no way she would let him down.

Once they were settled across from him the silence that was so awkward three weeks ago was now comfortable "Jason how have you been" Liz asked breaking the comfy silence. Deciding to keep the honestly level that was created three weeks before "I'm not sure" Jason responds his voice breaking "I haven't been sure in a long time. The more I think about what I have done to make other people happy, to make them feel safe, secure and loved the more I realize that I am not happy, I don't feel safe, secure or loved. The one person I counted on more than anything wants nothing to do with me, my so called best friends are acting like immature children and my ex wife blames me for our divorce." Jason said with his voice gradually gaining momentum that by the time he got to the part about his divorce she could barely understand him. "I don't know why you always felt the need to put what other people wanted before your own Jason. It's like you don't know how to be selfish. It is alright to be selfish sometimes." Liz tells him. Reaching across the table her fingers slowly begin to touch his own. "I know what it feels like to have the one person you have always counted on, depended on trusted without hesitation…let you down. You feel abandoned, worthless, lost. You question everything you have ever done, every thought, feeling, smile, and wonder whether or not you imagined the feelings", each word breaking down the barriers that had guarded his heart for so long, each phrase making his heart twist in pain while his soul screamed for her to stop yet all he could do was whisper "please" as silently tears ran unchecked from his eyes. Unable to take the pain her words were causing Liz placed Cameron in his stroller and walked around to the side of the table where Jason was sitting. Forgetting their surroundings she grabbed his hands as she knelt down before him "but when you stop being afraid of your fears, when you think about that person you realize that even though they hurt you, even though you hurt them you are still connected. " As she said this Jason stared into her eyes a new light beginning to show in his "you always were and always will be friends Jason "Liz finished with her eyes glazed with tears she struggled to keep from falling. "No matter what Jason we will always be friends" she stated with a sigh as she began to return to her seat. At that Jason smiled, his first smile is a long time and replied just as she began to sip her hot chocolate. "We will always be more than just friends Elizabeth…Always"

_Three weeks later…._

"Liz, get to general hospital now" the call had been frantic and as Liz rushed back to General Hospital she didn't know what to expect. She kept wondering who was hurt, was it Emily, Lucky was it Cameron. For once she wished Amy Vining would have opened her big mouth and told her what was going on. Driving as fast as she could without getting pulled over she prepared herself for the unknown. Racing through the double doors of the ER she spots Lucky who is holding a crying and frightened Cameron in his arms. "Lucky what happened, what's wrong?" she asked terrified of the answer. As Lucky hands Cameron to his mother the baby instantly begins to calm down. "Liz I don't know how to tell you this…I went to the cabin to check on Emily. I thought that she might get a kick out of spending time with Cameron" Lucky paused as he heard a voice saying or rather yelling "where in the hell is my sister" Jason stares at the frightened intern as she replies trauma room A. Just as Jason begins to come down the hall towards them he sees her. "As soon as I got there I knew something wasn't right, something was off, everything in me told me but I just thought I was paranoid over Helena – I walked up to the door and I saw him…" Lucky's voice cracked as sobs began to shake his body. "I heard her screaming for him to get off her, I couldn't get to her in time, by the time I got there she was unconscious…I am so sorry, Oh god I'm sorry" Liz knew that Lucky needed to calm down before Emily heard him. "Lucky you did all you could do… you got her help…lucky she doesn't blame you" As Liz spoke to him calmly, soothing his fears lucky began to calm down. "Emily is going to need you calm, not angry. She will need your support and understanding Lucky you are her best friend be that friend now." Liz gave the now sleeping Cameron back to Lucky and slowly walked toward the room where Emily was and she could hear Emily ask the same question she had so long ago, Why me? Unable to maintain her composure she gave in to her first impulse…she ran.

Unsure of what to do Jason watched helplessly as Liz raced past him with tears falling down her face. Entering his sister's room he was not prepared for the sight that greeted him. Sure he had seen her in a hospital bed before, but never had he seen her eyes look so empty. Her body bruised and scratched as she repeated one question in a cold dry voice "Why me". Not wanting to frighten her Jason walked quietly to her side, "Emily "he said his voice almost a whisper "I'm here… tell me who did this, who hurt you" visions of torturing the bastard who raped his sister filled Jason with pleasure… he could see the fear in his eyes, he could feel the snap of his neck as he realized that he was going to die, but Emily didn't answer. As she finally fell asleep Jason went looking for the one person who could help him understand what Emily is going through…he went looking for Liz.

I can't believe I ran away like that Liz thought as she sat on the bench. She had no idea how long she was there, she didn't feel the cold wind that swept inland from the ocean. What type of friend am I? It's my fault that she was attacked. I convinced her to let Connor pretend to Nicholas, it was me who told her to show more emotions. I told her that she should be willing to do anything if it meant Nicholas would go free and Helena would once and for all be taken care of" Liz thought. "It's my fault" Liz whispered over and over again…."Oh Emily I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you" she cried out over and over until all she could do was cry. That is how he found her. Sitting on the bench crying whispering over and over again "it's my fault it's my fault" Jason heard the pain in her voice. Unable to bear it he hurriedly went down the few remaining stairs and across the docks until he was directly in front of her. By the time he approached her Liz was nearly hysterical.

"Liz, sweetie what's your fault" Jason asked although in his heart he already knew the answer. "Jason "she said her voice breaking "I knew something was off and I still left her alone with him. It's my fault that he did that to her. It's my fault that she is lying broken in the hospital room. What type of friend am I since I let himhurt her?" Liz asked Jason her voice so childlike it made his heart twist. "I knew…Jason I knew he was off and …Emily is going to hate me."

"Liz…I need you to listen to me…really listen to me…" Jason said trying to get her to look at him. "It is not your fault. The person who did this to Emily – sweetie its his fault. Emily is not going to hate you. There was no way that you could have known what he was capable of." Jason repeated over and over again until Liz finally began to calm down.

"Jason, I don't know how to help her… how can I help her when I couldn't help myself? Why this happen to her – she has been through so much already. I would give anything to trade places with her… to keep Emily from the pain, the fear that she is going through." As Liz told Jason her deepest wish Jason began to become engulfed in so much rage. Rage at the man who did this to his sister, rage at Liz for wanting to take her place and rage at himself for failing to protect her. "Honey, all we need to do is be there for her. There is no set way on how to handle this. All we can do is show her that we loved her then and we love her now." Jason tells Liz as she begins get up from the bench, grasping her hand he slowly turns her to face him. "I need to see if she is alright" he thinks to himself. As he gazes into her eyes Jason is shocked at what he sees. In her eyes he uncovers her fear…he can see her feelings of despair, thoughts that he blames her just as she blames herself – so he does what comes natural to him as breathing. Slowly pulling her to him "I don't blame you." Jason tells her as his hand slowly brushes the remaining tears from her face. " It's not your fault" he continues as his hands settle on the small of her back bring her body close to him. "I'll never blame you" He says as he begins to slowly lower his mouth to hers. "Never" is the last thing Jason says before he softly lowers his mouth to hers. It just the slight touching of their mouths but it rocks him in a way he never experienced. Glancing at her face to see if she regrets it Jason again is shocked. What he sees in her eyes now is trust, and something he is to afraid to acknowledge. Softly Liz sighs as she reaches up and brings Jason down for another kiss.


End file.
